Crystal Ball

When I was at my Mom and Step Dad's house in September going through their things, I saw a picture on the wall of my Mom, me and the kids. I decided to tuck it into my suitcase and bring it home with me. I have it sitting on an end table next to the chair I usually sit in while in the living room. It was taken on Thanksgiving Day 2003, just 5 weeks after Charlotte was born.

I look at this picture and wonder what I would've thought if someone had told me in just 3 short years Mom would be diagnosed with ovarian cancer and begin a battle that would last for nearly 4 years......and that she (and my step dad) wouldn't be around for Thanksgiving 2010. I'm so thankful we were able to spend Thanksgiving 2009, their last, with them.

Some days are difficult. Not a day goes by that I don't think about Mom and Al. Some days I laugh over how silly Al was when he was in Grandpa mode, how he got Eric and Charlotte giggling. I miss his jokes, and I miss how he always took care of my mom. Other days I cringe when I think of all the missed opportunities I had for talking with my Mom but didn't. I miss my Mom's cooking, I miss hugging her, and I definitely miss spending time talking with her, just the two of us.

Even though we often wonder what we would do differently if "only we had known", I think it's probably a good thing that we don't know the future and what it holds. Life plays out as it should, complete with all it's joy, pain, regrets, and authenticity.